1. We want women who are on birth control.

Seriously, your mastery of foreplay or the kama sutra won’t make up for the awkward tension of a broken condom. I’m not suggesting you use it as an excuse to ride bareback in every rodeo, but it’s a hell of a lot better than asking a stranger for Plan B.


2. There’s something about nature that really gets my blood flowing.

Whether it’s the fresh air and blue skies or the thrill of being caught pants-down in public, getting buck-wild in the great outdoors is guaranteed to bring out your inner animal.


3. Usher isn’t the only one who wants a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.

Pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin, so get loud, get dirty and don’t hesitate to rough us up a bit.


4. Toys aren’t just for kids — especially the ones you can find in your local sex shop.

From anal beads to vibrator sleeves, these XXX Toys “R” Us are bound (and gagged) to have something for everyone. Bring your man along and peruse the adult store’s various cuffs, lubes, stimulators, rings and molds together to stimulate each others’ minds and bodies.


5. I can guarantee nothing will make a guy’s jaw hit the floor faster than your ability to contort into a human pretzel.

A little flexibility goes a long way and opens the door to a world of crazy sex positions to hit your G-spot from every angle.


6. Half the fun of having sex is getting to see each other undress.

No guy wants to see you in what looks like your grandmother’s hand-me-downs, so take the time to visit Victoria’s Secret and pick out some sexy lingerie.


7. Your body is a temple, so put in the time and effort to take care of it.

Exercising and eating healthy are a major part of my life, so it’s important for a woman to feel the same way.


8. Vaginas are the unofficial eighth natural wonder of the world.

There is so much going on down there and until someone creates a universal manual for guys like me, we’re going to need your help figuring out what you like and where you like it. Spend some time getting to know your body. If you don’t know what makes you tick, how can we?


9. Make your time with him special.

I’m not saying you have to pretend like your drunken encounter at some party Friday night on the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive is anything more than a one night stand, but I’m likely to lose interest if I think you’re just as content winding up in my bed as any other guy’s room in Isla Vista.


10. Nothing’s more of a turn on than when, in the middle of foreplay, a woman stops and whispers in your ear, “I’m going to fuck you so good.”

However, it really ruins the effect when it turns out they know less about the art of sex than my 11-year-old brother. Be honest with your partner: If you don’t know your way around his joystick, let him know.