Women’s Update
The UCSB women’s tennis team had no problem defeating CSU Bakersfield in a home match on Sunday, winning easily with a score of 7-0. The Gauchos were well-rested and ready to go, as their Saturday match against Fresno Pacific was postponed due to rain.
Avoid Valentine’s Day Blues Isla Vista Style
Take cover, children. Cupid will be here in just four days, and he is covered in heart-shaped boils ejaculating chocolate-flavored pus. Based on my past several Valentine’s Days, this diaper-clad angel can and will infect innocent civilians at high risk for coupleitis, leaving them weak with neediness and aching for meaningful sex.
SB Forks Tritons, Clips Claremont
Back in action for the first time since winning the Women’s Division Intercollegiate Associates National Title last season, the UCSB women’s lacrosse team wasted no time in proving that they have not lost a step from last season. The Gauchos wrecked UC San Diego 18-0 on Saturday and edged Claremont Colleges 10-8 on Sunday to start the season 2-0 despite losing five players to graduation, including reigning Player of the Year Katie Moran.
SB Converts Grease to Energy
Fat and grease will soon turn into a source of electrical power for Santa Barbara thanks to a new waste management plan.
New Group Embraces Diversity
A new student organization at UCSB hopes to create a safe space and open forum for multicultural, mixed-race and mixed-ethnicity students.
Armchair QB
Now that football season’s over, there’s a void in my life. I mean, I’m the Armchair QB, not the Armchair PG. I don’t even have the Pro Bowl to look forward to. Oh fuck, that means… it’s Kiper season.
Group Strives to Maintain Active Status
CALPIRG members are collecting student pledges this week as they scramble to keep UCSB’s chapter alive.
Obvious Stupidity Clouds UCSB
There’s a little thing in this world that I like to call “The Oh-Duh Factor.” Now, not many people give this phenomenon the real attention it deserves, but I find that in times of distress and uncertainty, you can always turn to it for guidance.
Tumor Drug To Enter Trials
The Cancer Center of Santa Barbara will be participating in a Phase III clinical trial in order to evaluate the effectiveness of Lucanix, a new vaccine designed to fight lung cancer.
Events Speak Out Against Violence
During the weeklong campaign for “Speak Up Against Hate,” organizers hope to educate students about hate crime and incidents at UCSB.