So now that I’m finally done with my first round of midterms, I’m going to do what any sensible person would do after getting up way too early, staying up far too late and being under an inordinate amount of stress: get a little R&R.

Now most people think of R&R as rest and relaxation, but the last thing I want to do after I get rid of these responsibilities is take a nap (that is, unless I pulled an all-nighter). I’m talking about the real R&R: rage and rail. This is college and it’s what we do. I’m going to get really drunk, find cute girls and have as much fun as possible. And I don’t kid when I say drunk, because I mean exceptionally drunk, like “I’m 10 Lokos deep” drunk.

Drinking gets me horny and it’s not long before I’m checking out that cute girl across the party who just smiled at me. I roll up and say hi, hoping we hit it off because nothing gets rid of stress like getting laid.  So Gauchos, I hope you join me out there in cutting loose this weekend (which starts on Thursday night for those of you who haven’t learned that little fact yet), because really, we all need a little R&R after a tough week. We probably won’t remember meeting and even if we do, my bet is that we’ll make that awkward eye contact that says “Yes, we probably met, I’m not entirely sure, but either way, I still have no idea who you are.”

But really, that’s what I look forward to; it’s just the sign we got the first R. The proof of the second R, well, that one is a bit trickier. But when you say my name and sit next to me, I have a realization.  I’m wearing the same clothes from the night before and the condom I went out with is no longer in my pocket.