So Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney is sick of his team and wants to leave. AQB says: “Yeah, I wasn’t satisfied with my fine-ass wife and bazillion-dollar salary last year either.”
Dear Wayne Rooney,
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Please Don’t Try to Bike Over the Hump Pls
Labyrinth: Grades Search
Aries
March 21 - April 19
Ends on ‘good terms’ but is blocked on Instagram
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Slow fade
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
Ghosting them on a random Monday
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
“It’s not you, it’s me”
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Drunk Uber “we need to talk” voice memo
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Presents a notes app pros and cons list
Libra
September 23 - October 22
Asks to still be friends
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Drops their stuff off, never speaks to them again
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
Texts “this isn’t working” then posts from another country
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
“It’s not me, it’s you”
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Tells them they need to focus on Econ 10A
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Delivers a hand-written letter to their mom
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