Fuck the holidays. This is the most wonderful time of the year.
Fuck Disneyland. My couch — in front of the TV — this is the happiest place on Earth.
Yup. It’s football season. And Sunday is now officially the best day of the week.
[media-credit id=20135 align=”alignleft” width=”165″][/media-credit]Sunday morning. Wake up at 9:45 for the 10 a.m. games. I know it is early, but these are the kind of sacrifices that are necessary during football season.
Stumble out of bed. Head hurts. Hungover and spinning, I miraculously make it to the couch. It’s the small victories that count in life.
Turn on the TV. The angelic voices of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman eliminate any sorrows I had regarding my inability to lure that cute blonde back to my house last night. But that’s neither here nor there. It’s football time.
Although I absolutely adore football, let’s be real. The best thing about Sunday is fantasy football.
It may be called fantasy, but don’t kid yourself. This shit is for real. You will realize this when you find yourself screaming uncontrollably at the TV because Clinton Portis couldn’t even muster up 50 yards against the lowly Rams. The fucking Rams?
Like Leo stuck in limbo in “Inception,” fantasy can become your reality. And, in this case, reality rules.
REASON #1 WHY FANTASY FOOTBALL RULES:
It is unbelievably fun to root for your players. They become an extension of your family. You cheer for them. You live vicariously through them. You bleed for them. And in some cases, you even sacrifice small animals to the Egyptian gods in their name.
But seriously. On Sundays, it’s all about the team. You live to watch your players succeed. Which brings me to…
REASON #2 WHY FANTASY FOOTBALL RULES:
Fantasy can turn a boring, irrelevant October game between the Browns and Bucs into the Super Bowl. If you have Cadillac Williams in a Sunday night game down by eight points, this is your Super Bowl.
If Cadillac turns out to be a golfcart and loses you the week, all hell will break lose. If he turns out to perform and win you the matchup, you will find yourself praising his every yard and fist-pumping more than a “Jersey Shore” episode.
This is why sports betting is so great. Interest is generated where it did not exist before. Fans are able to cheer for teams that they would otherwise not care about. In the fantasy football, owners are able to cheer for individual players who they would not normally care about.
REASON #3 WHY FANTASY FOOTBALL RULES:
I have a theory. Everyone loves to talk shit. And everyone loves to complain about his or her personal lives. Well, fantasy football allows you to do both of these things!
Go right ahead and bitch about how you drafted Ryan Grant and Kevin Kolb. We feel for you.
Cry about how you got lit up by Arian Foster in week one or fell victim to Jahvid Best’s brilliance in week two. We feel for you. We really do.
On the other hand, please feel free to gloat about how you landed Chris Johnson and Aaron Rodgers. We hate you anyway.
Yes, we go to school in one of the most beautiful places in the world. But on Sundays there is really no reason to leave the house — or the couch for that matter.
Sundays are for football. And for fantasy football.
So good luck to all of you in your football endeavors — realistic or fantastical — and happy football!
Daily Nexus staff writer Ryan Porush might trade Portis for another chance with the blonde…