We all grow up receiving our parents instructions about good manners (well in theory), yet their teachings only cover their respectable domains – the dining room, church, etc. But I’m willing to bet you were not taught basic bedroom etiquette at the dinner table. Communication about sex is by default neither easy nor common for parents, so excuse their embarrassment and take it upon yourself to be learn how to be polite.

Come 5th grade, everyone wanted to learn about sex, and naturally you sought your education from 30 year old perverts in AOL chat rooms (think chat roulette circa 1999). This may have taught you how to politely ask for nudes, but not quite the fundamentals of being a respectful partner in the bedroom. So unless your mother encouraged you to make new friends followed with, “and don’t make fun of how someone tastes,” most of you are clueless of what manners should be followed.

Being a polite sexual partner isn’t moving the tea party into the bedroom. Aside from the occasional “please” and “thank you,” it’s more about having consideration for the other person. It doesn’t matter if it’s a hook-up or a relationship; half the fun is pleasing the other person. By following some basic rules you can avoid offending, hurting or making someone feel uncomfortable during those potentially daunting tasks.

First off, one should never assume that the other person is down, pun intended, as some people have contrary values or religious beliefs (well not anyone in IV, but maybe you’re going abroad..) Pressuring someone is best left in middle school.

Secondly, once you know you’ve bedded a willing partner, you can continue being a considerate member of society by remembering to never push on your buddy’s head…unless you’d like to mutually excite yourself and their gag reflex. There’s a time and place to have your hands down there, but in the meantime, the pushing can make someone feel taken advantage of. If you can’t sympathize with that, maybe a canine piercing your privates will stop you from dribbling your partner’s head like a basketball.

Thirdly, without going into great detail: before a sticky situation should arise, you should talk about where that sticky situation should end up… and I’ll give you a hint – it’s not on the sheets.

This should not be news to a fine, young and educated individual like yourself, but a respectable, well mannered person should always use a condom. Pregnancy and STDs can happen to anyone, and they do all the time. Next time someone would like to nix the condom, ask yourself if you would enjoy having herpes outbreaks or a child for the rest of your life. Another bonus for those that go bear backed – the guy may even come twice as fast! But with all things considered, condoms can make a guy last longer, keep parenthood at bay and your body STD free, so why is anyone complaining?

And lastly, the Golden Rule: do to others as you want them to do to you. This applies to all aspects of life, including your sexy time. Nobody likes a hypocrite, so even if you’re the biggest douche bag to ever walk DP, you must always respect your partner in the bedroom and remember to make it fun for the both of you.

A basic shroud of complete cluelessness surrounds our first sexual experiences, but like how we graduated from eating with our hands to using utensils, there comes a time when we learn about bedroom etiquette and use it for the benefit of ourselves and those we eat and sleep with.