You know when there’s a glass door, and right as you come up to it you get a look at your own reflection? Then you’re like, “Damn, that is one good-looking reflection.” Yeah, you know what I mean. Don’t deny it. Anyway, I was checking myself out yesterday, admiring my own amazingly good looks, when I completely missed the door handle. Just swung my arm at the open air and came away with nothing. In public. It was a real proud moment there. Maybe I’ve let my narcissism get a bit out of hand.

Tomorrow’s forecast: I was choosing between writing about fake Rastafarians or myself. I picked myself. Clearly, this problem is worse than I thought. Also, that’s not really a forecast.