What I’m about to say defies all of my liberal sensibilities, but it needs to be said. Here goes: Littering is fucking cool. I mean, as petty offenses go, littering has got to be the one that most improves your rep, because let’s face it: walking to trashcans is for squares. The nonchalance in tossing that discarded Choco Taco wrapper over your shoulder (potentially while jaywalking) almost overtakes in coolness for the fact that you were eating a Choco Taco to begin with. And that’s pretty fucking cool.

Tomorrow’s forecast: We find out if the “The Weatherhuman Told Me To” defense holds up with police offers. I’m betting no.