Body Heat
Sat, April 4, 3:30 p.m. – In the midst of thousands upon thousands of drunken revelers partying around them, officers patrolling the beach below Del Playa Drive came across something that didn’t seem quite right.

There, lying in a raft run aground was an intoxicated male. And directly beneath him was a young female, completely unconscious, her arms and legs limp. The inebriated but still conscious male had positioned himself so that he was chest to chest with the fallen partier, and was actively trying to make out with her as the deputies approached.

The slightly tanned officers interrupted the 26-year old Cal Poly student and asked if he knew the girl he was laying on.

Craning his neck backwards, he told the deputies, “She’s from San Luis.” He then went on to explain that he was only laying on the girl to keep her warm, and only on her behest. As for his attempts to mack on the girl, he vehemently denied any such efforts.

Further questioning, however, revealed that the drunken Mustang had no idea who his love boat buddy was. As for the young lady, she awoke just long enough to vomit several times.

Then, as emergency medical personnel escorted the puking princess away on a stretcher, the deputies arrested the genteel partier and took him to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending a ride back to SLO.

Have You Seen my Bike?
Sat., April 4, 1:48 p.m. – Officers catching some sun this Saturday had to turn their backs on the beautiful views after hearing reports that cans and bottles were being thrown onto the beach from the houses above.

Sure enough, a few seconds later the deputies watched as a can of Keystone Light flew from the balcony at 6615 Del Playa and, fortunately, landed harmlessly on the beach below. One of the officers stayed on the beach monitoring the balcony as the other officer made for the stairs.

With his partner still in transit, the officer on the beach then watched as one of gentlemen on the DP patio picked up a bike – a beautiful pink beach cruiser – and tossed it over the railing. The deputy radioed his partner and told him to hurry.

Having navigated the crowds, the partner reached the house and made his way onto the balcony where eight productive members of society were busy shouting profanities at the revelers below. The deputy located the defendant and asked him why he was throwing cans (and bikes) onto the beach.

He replied, “Fuck you, I didn’t do anything,” and quickly found himself in handcuffs. The 20-year-old San Diego resident – who was sporting a slinky black speedo – had no identification with him and refused to answer any questions. He chose instead to rely completely on expletives to express his feelings.

After some time, the deputy from the beach walked onto the balcony and the two escorted the bike throwing San Diegan, who became increasingly belligerent, away from the party. At the station he spit on an officer and kicked at the door of the patrol car, prompting the officers to place a hobble on his legs and a spit hood on his face.

After some more wrangling, he was put in the car and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

The Morning After…
Sun., April 5, 8:47 a.m. – Two young males sitting on the UCSB beach enjoying the early morning drew the attention of passing officers.

The deputies approached, unbeknownst to the two early birds, and overheard them speaking in low, slurred speech. More intriguing, however, was the strange manner in which the two were conducting themselves – it was as if their minds were not in the same place as their bodies.

The officers introduced themselves, much to the consternation of the Floatopia stragglers, and asked if they could search the backpack sitting on the sand between them. They unwisely agreed.

After a quick search, the officers pulled out two plastic bags. One was filled with several pills of Ecstasy and the other with the fruiting bodies of Psilocybin mushrooms – commonly referred to as Magic Mushrooms.

One of the men, a 19-year-old, admitted to having consumed 2 pills of Ecstasy and a dose of the Magic Mushrooms the day before. He then let the officer know that he and his friend were enjoying the last of their “trip” together on the beach.

While no doubt not the ending he had envisioned, the drug-addled teenager nevertheless got to take one more trip – this time to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed pending sobriety.