As a first-year student at UCSB, I am discovering so many wonderful things about myself. The most important of those is that I’m a really creepy girl.
I believe the first time I realized this was last week when I found myself mindlessly looking through pictures of drunken partiers posted on Facebook… partiers I had never met before. It was then I thought back to other previous times in my life, like when my mom cried because I told her I would only have children if it was with an Asian man, when I tried to make friends at the Anacapa volleyball court and now only see their dodging glances when I pass them in the hall, when I told my friends about my boss showing me his lesbian two-girls-one-cup-esque porn collection and found myself to be the only one laughing.
It took me so long to realize this because it had never been a problem for me before Winter Quarter. At home in San Diego, I had equally creepy friends who always thought it was great fun when I obnoxiously pointed out how slutty they were when they had mayo on their face.
Recently, my new friends here have been noticing more and more how creepy I am. My purple-laced Etnies have gone from endearing to problematic and wearing a headband over my face to symbolize my bad mood is now embarrassing to them rather than amusing. The turning point, however, occurred when joking with a friend by hiding under his bed while he was sleeping. I then proceeded to wake him up by calling out the names of him and his roommate in awful voices. I realized that my creepiness was no longer okay with some people when I got a stink eye like a skunk just had an orgy.
I got really down on myself for a while, pondering about this problem in every free moment. Walking past the back of Ortega, I wouldn’t even notice the horrific smell, or comment about how it was proportional to the deliciousness of the food, because I could only think to myself, “Am I really that creepy? Am I going to be OK? Will I turn into the old lady with a million cats and die alone and weird?” In a state of disillusionment, I felt compelled to ask others if my creepiness was turning into a problem. And, although there had been a lot of negative responses to my odd sense of humor, I found that I got positive feedback from those who share my love for being the cause of awkward moments!
So, even though I may seem wrong in the eyes of many, I have found that it doesn’t matter, because constantly enjoying life is right to me and to those who agree with my way of life. So, first years and everyone else alike, please don’t let others bring you down for still getting enjoyment out of stealing food from the DLG even though it’s such old news, if that is what you enjoy. Drop them and move on, because I know I’d love to giggle incessantly with you about the napkin holder displayed proudly in your top shelf.