In an effort to control the state’s booming weight, Alabama now charges citizens on employer health care a whole $25 a year if they don’t go to free health check-ups. While there is no penalty for being fat other than getting free diet planning and associated care, all of ‘Bama’s fat population (most of the state) is flipping out about the fascist “fat tax” that ruins their freedom of personal choice. The choice of eating fried sticks of butter and beer-battered beer, that is.

Tomorrow’s forecast: Neighboring Georgia institutes a rebellious “skinny tax” in order to protect the state from the encroachment of those thin, Communist motherfuckers over in Alabama.