We are the future, fighting to cement the inevitable phenomenon known as “change” into the mind of every American soul. It is time we step foot onto the Ship of Hope and set sail for a new land of egalitarianism. The champion leading us through this historic journey is none other than The One: Barack Obama.

The right wing, scarily weird as they are, ominously fret about The One’s “inexperience” and lack of good judgment. We hear the oft-repeated mantra that we should achieve “victory” in the War on Terror. Ideas such as quasi-pacifism and cradle-to-grave socialism are met with Gestapo-like rage and addressed as thoughts of a delusional imbecile.

Castigation from the right includes condescending remarks insisting that Iraq is the central front in the War on Terror. Ignore buffoons like Gen. David Petraeus and Osama bin Laden. We all know Afghanistan is the real hotbed — aside from Liberty University. Despite the minor strategic influence of Afghanistan and the fact that Iraq’s neighbors are Turkey, Jordan, Iran, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia — which make it a lethal launch pad to unleash terror abroad — al-Qaeda’s original location was Afghanistan. End of story.

It is a hobby of mine to report the mendacity of the right wing. I keep my distance from the menagerie in Fox News and stick to the Zeus of journalism, Keith Olbermann. You can see I am a proponent of objective news reporting. The right wing has the chutzpah to attack the left for their dependence on the government to cure what ails them. We need those government programs. We need a home and we need money. The job comes last.

A recent McCain rally was peppered with random clowns referring to The One as a “terrorist.” The right responds by pointing out the “Abort Sarah Palin” bumper stickers and a couple of individuals advocating the stoning of said Alaskan governor. Nothing is more insulting than being labeled a “terrorist.” Do you think it is wise to label our enemies as “the enemy?” Yes? You psycho.

The rapier wit of the right has a proclivity to accuse the left of being comprised of iconoclastic progressives. It is especially galling to be confronted with such arrogance that is devoid of intellectual ability. Rush Limbaugh seems to be the head of the pack. He relies on the argumentum ad ignorantiam. How can one not, when they are speaking to the Bible Belt of America? Limbaugh’s invective is a clear indication of his distaste for progressive America. Indignation leads to lugubriousness, which ultimately leads to senility — the hallmarks of the right wing.

The simpletons of the right hide behind their American flags and claim to be “patriots” in a nation that condones the permeation of Christian symbols in just about every square inch of the homeland. Never have I felt so engulfed in messages of “love thy neighbor” with subtle undertones of nonsense concerning the “golden rule.” We are inculcated in our youth to believe we are united as Americans, when the real success of the American story lies in our separate identities of African-American, Hispanic, liberal or benighted fascist (i.e. Republicans).

Our freedoms have never been in as much jeopardy as they have under President Bush. He is making Iran seem more enjoyable by the minute. Thank Science, not God, we still have slight free roam in the school and workplace. It is a shame we still have to shield ourselves from heightened levels of hate. When I see eyebrows rise at the sight of a cross-dressing man, I want to throw up. Forget dodgeball, monkey bars and seesaws in schools. They’re dangerous. Kids must know it’s OK for boys to wear high-heels. I don’t care if “abstinence-only” works every time, it’s tried — toss it out the window. We’re progressives.

Everything is going to be fine. As soon as we embrace “patriotism” by paying more in taxes, we can spread that wealth around. The One will save us because “when the Messiah speaks, the youth will hear.” Just believe.