Richard Cooey, a resident of an Ohio state prison, recently appealed his death sentence for a double rape-murder of college students in 1986. Coey, who is 5’7 and weighs 267 pounds, argued that he is too obese to be put to death. Seriously, Cooey’s Twinkie defense was given a bitch-slap by the Supreme Court, who rejected the appeal without comment, rather than questioning how a man gets obese off prison food.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: Loren Schoch, among other unsavory characters, trades in the stationary bike for buckets of butter-dipped fried chicken. Hell, you never know what might happen. Honestly, the refusal of the Supreme Court to grant a stay of execution to an obese rapist is motherfuckin’ un-American, ain’t it?