Apparently Isla Vista has not only lost its spunk: It has lost its sense of humor as well. By the way, if you are looking for another racy article, you can stop here. This one can’t afford it, apparently.

Most of the responses I got to last week’s article were positive; most people understood that the article was a sardonic joke and had a laugh. However, those people who didn’t like the article (who took it seriously) were vehemently opposed to it. I thought the article was so plainly ridiculous and immature that no one in their right mind would even waste time trying to argue with something so illogical.

Since a small but substantial fraction of the campus — mostly Soc majors, oddly enough — don’t seem to understand the nuances and subtleties of sarcasm and satire, I just wanted to clear some things up: I don’t actually think burning couches will solve anything, and I am not really suggesting that Santa Catalina be renamed Society of Cuntmasters. These were derisive (and admittedly tasteless) stabs at the overbearing censorship efforts of the university.

My apology goes not only to the people who were offended, but to the people who had a discussion about my article in class (yes, I heard from a couple friends that there were actually discussions about that article during lecture time). I am sorry that your professors thought that piece of trash was worthy of a serious discussion. Maybe next week you guys can have a stern talk about “The Wednesday Hump” or do a compare and contrast on a couple Sudokus.

For those of you who were too pissed about the language to take away anything of value from last week’s article, let me just reiterate. Oozing out from beneath the bricks of unsophisticated jokes and bad language was the mortar of real substance: I.V. has become too strict for its own good.

If you can send an 18-year-old to fight and die for our country, then you consider him an adult. You shouldn’t be able to give an adult a ticket for drinking beer. Changing Francisco Torres into Santa Catalina was a transparent, pointless, resource-wasting political move by the university. Fight Night was better before the campus cracked down on PIKE — they probably raised a hell of a lot more money for charity, too. Halloween, UCSB’s claim to fame, is no longer as impressive; God forbid we hurt ourselves with plastic costume weapons.

After sifting through the bombastic rhetoric, ignorant and emotionally charged responses, I found only one coherent argument — which is quite frankly the only one I will dignify with a response. Andrew Dunn writes that Isla Vista really isn’t our town; we are merely passing through. This is a good point, but while individual students come and go, UCSB’s student body is a cyclic entity that predates and will outlast any local residents. To force 20,000 students to acquiesce to a few outliers isn’t fair.

Overall, I feel as though our freedom has been slowly slipping through the cracks of bureaucracy, and every year this malignancy spreads to other facets of our social life. Our freedom has been eroding so slowly that I can hardly blame students for not protesting; it’s like a toad that sits in the boiling water until it is too late. Gradual or not, censorship has increased palpably over the years. Occasionally I’ll talk to alumni who will humor me with a “back when” story of how people use drink from kegs in the streets of I.V. Now I hear freshmen aren’t allowed to use the words “dumb” or “kid” in the dorms; someone might get offended.

I think it is funny — sad? — that the same people who shout for equality and open-mindedness are, well, pretty intolerant of any views and values that don’t align with their own. It turns out that I have no problem with any other sexual orientation, race, religion or background. But what if someone did? I’d like to think that our campus is tolerant of all views, not just the ones that are politically convenient. I didn’t realize tolerance came with a set of contingencies.

For the people who were legitimately offended by the article (and not just programmed to be mad), I offer you my apologies, condolences and some advice: Thicken up your skin. If you get insulted every time someone says “bitch” or some punk writes something you don’t agree with, you are in for a stressed life.

To paraphrase Guy Kawasaki, don’t take offense where none was intended: If eradicating inequality was as simple as changing the words we use, it would be simple. Unfortunately, inequality is rooted in belief systems and cultural infrastructures; words are merely fruits of these roots. It is possible to have the fruits without the roots, and vice versa. In conclusion, thank you to everyone who wrote. At least you didn’t take it sitting down, even if you only got up to take it in the butt. Maybe I.V. has some spunk after all.

Max Bottaro is a fourth-year psychology major.

Click here to read Max Bottaro’s first column, “Isla Vista Has Lost Its Spunk,” originally published Sept. 29, 2008.

Click here to read Carla Perez’s response.

Click here to read Janelle Mungo’s response.

Click here to read Amanda Maffett’s response.

Click here to read Carly Jo Hann’s response.

Click here to read Andrew Dunn’s response.

All response letters were published Oct. 1, 2008.