Happy summer, kiddos. The season brings a lot of awesome things, like sun, fun and lots of buns. However, despite all of the careless frolicking, there is one serious problem we need to address the case of the too-tight bikini on the, uh, “big girl.” The fat friend with the “nice personality” is always bulging out of her made-of-strings bathing suit, and to make matters worse, she’s sitting next to her three bangin’ friends who only make her appear to be more of a cow. Skinny hot girls, I’m calling on you to help. It’s your job to tell your chunky friend it’s not OK to wear that itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie yellow polka dot bikini in public. Yeah, girl power, and all that crap, but come on… that shit’s nasty. Please hurry, because that fat is oozing toward my towel. Gross.
Thursday’s forecast: 90 percent chance of sunshine, with a shocking decrease in the muffin-top.