On Thursday nights, I love to lovingly refer to my Opinion editors as “winos.” Not because they complain about me, but rather because of their classy red and white choices, when it comes to getting tipsy. But the truth is, I’m somewhat of a “whino” myself. I don’t drink wine – the sports office always goes with the manly/cheap Canadian Whiskey option – but I’m not afraid to admit I complain a lot.
Thus, I’m a whino, or whiner, in my very own way. With the TV season coming to a close, I figured I’d get into whino mode and complain about some of the choices TV studios made this season. Sure, it would be easy to bitch about the writers’ strike, but I haven’t taken the easy route since my little-league steroid days. Instead I have some very specific complaints…
Whino #1: NBC’s decision to make “Psych” one of those on-again, off-again shows that randomly pops up for six or eight weeks at a time before going on hiatus again is extremely frustrating. Sure “Psych” is corny sometimes, but simple humor can be good for the soul, especially with so many other shows – ahem, “Lost” – trying to confuse the shit out of us. “Psych” is an underrated show, and without some semblance of a regular schedule, it will never attract a proper following.
Whino #2: Speaking of “Lost,” I’m mildly depressed the producers are showing us so much post-island action, but I’ll be more depressed than a Jeff Buckley album if they hold true to their promise of showing us the Oceanic Six rescue in the season finale. Dudes, save that drama for the final season. I’m still thoroughly enjoying the action on the island, and it’ll never be the same once Jack, Kate and the rest have ditched Ben and the smoke monster for the real world. Seriously, I tear up a little every time I see the survivors struggling to adjust to society, although to be fair this could have something to do with my Friday afternoon tradition of watching the previous night’s “Lost” while eating a plate of kung-pao chicken. It’s hard to tell sometimes.
Whino #3: OK, this one’s real specific, and possibly off-base, since I’ve hardly ever watched this show, but I ask you, how could the producers of “The Biggest Loser” possibly think it’s a good idea for the men to take their shirts off before going on the scale? We already know they’re fat – there’s no need to show us their manjiggles. Also, does anyone else find it suspicious the blonde hostess is never shown from the waist up? I have a feeling that woman has some serious junk in the trunk.
Whino #4: I’ve written a ton about TV in the past 20 weeks, but I don’t think I’ve touched on commercials at all. There’s really no need, but while I’m briefly on the topic, you should know I can’t stand the fact that those Nike commercials with LaDainian Tomlinson make him sound like he’s saying “my batter is better than your batter,” rather than “my better is better than your better.” It drives me nuts. Every time I see them – which is about every four minutes – I get a craving for pancakes. The carbs are killing me, L.T.
Whino #5: Why is “Scrubs” just randomly switching from NBC to ABC next season? I don’t know how our society can allow this. Speaking of the alphabet network, ABC recently decided to ignore the concept of creating new shows, and instead renewed three pretty shitty shows from the same producer. Some Greg Berlanti guy is responsible for “Eli Stone,” “Brothers & Sisters” and “Dirty Sexy Money,” meaning he’s also responsible for three hours of the week where I absolutely won’t be watching his network. It’s time to end the nepotism and give some fresh new shows a chance… like “Have Love for Pavlov!” With the kind of crap Berlanti has put on the air, he should be painting my house rather than living it up in Hollywood. Also, I should have a house.