Bullshit. That’s what I call the Editor in Chief elections. David Ferry’s a good choice and he’ll do a great job as the next Nexus boss, but the elections are clearly biased against people who can’t reveal their identity. How am I supposed to run for EIC if I can’t meet the voters face-to-face and explain to them my ideas for a full-page crossword, free pot samples with the On the Menu section and a weekly mustache column on the Opinion page? Sadly, the election is racist against people with no-color faces, allowing Ferry to narrowly defeat half a Subway turkey sandwich and win the EIC elections. Weather-racism sucks.

Monday’s Forecast: The ‘human names the half-turkey sandwich as its running mate and immediately overtakes both Obama and McCain in the national polls.