I went to a Eurotrash party this weekend. Even though I spent four months in Europe, I realized I have absolutely no idea what it means to be Eurotrash, much less how to dress Eurotrashy. I put on some yellow tights and a green dress and called it a day.

When I got to the party, I saw a box of wine.

“Oh, box wine? I love box wine!”

The host immediately turned to me with the most wonderfully surprised look on his face.

“No way!”

He proceeded to dive into his refrigerator and pull out a two-liter bottle of orange Fanta.

“Here, put some of this in your wine.” Ew, Fanta in my box red wine? Like table box wine isn’t already sweet enough. I gave him a disgusted look and refused the concotion.

Well, it looks like my friend isn’t the only one to combine Fanta and wine. That’s a kind of sangria? Wow. Weird.

Fanta wine isn’t the only questionable drink out there. Count on the Japanese to provide some pretty freaky thirst quenchers. They’ve got a faux beer – for kids. Watch the commercial in the link and tell me that’s not brainwashing. Other Japanese greats include Diet Water – which is great because all this Dasani is making me fat – and Ice Cucumber Pepsi. Mmm, nothing better than cucumbers to wash down my burger on a hot day.

The Japanese aren’t alone in creating tasty beverages. Chef Tom and Mamma Mia created Pizza Beer, encompassing flavors like basil, oregano, tomato and garlic in your beer!

Oh, you’re not a beer drinker? Well then, you can suck down a savory bacon martini. I’m sure it will soon be Carrie’s new favorite.

Um, thanks but no thanks. I think I’ll just stick with the Natty.