According to Reuters – a reputable news outlet I might add – police in Congo arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink penises. These Congolese penis snatchers can supposedly make a man’s schlong disappear or shrink just by touching it, which is weird since I thought only Hillary Clinton had that sort of power. As amazing as this story is, I can’t help but think that Congo is just suffering from it’s first experience with impotence. Forget mosquito nets, we should be sending these people some Cialis. I suggest you read the whole story online if only for quotes like this one: “It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny.”

Wednesday’s Forecast: It’s apparently pretty cold in Congo.