I’ve finally found a politician I can get behind. Nope, not Obama; I lost all respect for him when I found out he bowled a 37 (seriously pathetic, even a retarded toddler could break 40). Instead I’ve decided to embrace Canadian legislator Pat Martin, who’s pushing his poutine-pounding brethren to ditch the penny once and for all. It took me a while to get over the fact that he’s Canadian, but you’ve got to admit: The man gets it. All pennies do are weigh down our wallets and cause dangerous choking hazards for babies and retarded toddlers.

Friday’s Forecast: The ‘human stops accepting pennies as change, forcing cashiers to awkwardly say thanks for the tip, even though they’re only three cents richer. Losers. This is why you don’t work at fast food restaurants.