Bright, presidential tulips to Hillary Clinton for taking the time to speak at UCSB before Super Tuesday. We wish we could have shown you Del Playa Drive.

Miscalculated, mangy turds to the local organizers behind the Clinton rally for the chaotic confusion that led to a few thousand students being denied entry. So much for being “Ready on Day One.”

Stippled, slam-dunked tulips to the men’s and women’s basketball teams for winning the regular season Big West Championships. Nothing “Semi-Pro” about that.

Violent, unwanted turds to the anti-war protesters who vandalized Corwin Pavilion on Feb. 12. What happened to peace, love and understanding?

Slavic, sonorous tulips to the Russian Club for all the things they said to get t.A.T.u. to perform on campus. We still have their songs running through our heads.

Isolated, unnecessary turds to whoever thought of changing the name of Francisco Torres to Santa Catalina. When we think of a Playboy “sex legend,” we don’t think SC has the same ring as FT.

Effervescent, spotted tulips to the memory of Gemina, the crooked-necked giraffe at the Santa Barbara Zoo. She lived 21 awesome years.

Greasy, polluted turds to the consistent oil spills in Santa Barbara County over the past two months. No wonder that Chevron on Storke and Hollister charges so much.

Beer-stained, underrated tulips to Eclectic I.V. for its Happy Hour deals and plans to improve Pardall Gardens. Nothing goes better with a liquor license than a green thumb.