The Center for Disease Control would like to bring you a special emergency warning: You could be at risk for a terrible disease! All concerned citizens should read the following column carefully – even your children may be vulnerable to infection. All across the country tonight, liberals are dropping like flies. They are fainting in voluminous numbers, either from a substance-induced coma or from sheer ecstasy.

Behold the Obamasm, the new pandemic of the American left. More research is desperately needed in order to curb this alarming plague, this frightful illness causes socialists to swoon and effete elites to squirm in satisfaction. We must know the causes of the Obamasm, for by discovering its genesis, we may just be able to cure its symptoms. Time is running short! Bring in the pharmaceutical companies! Soon all of America may be infected with this virus of vapidity.

Do we have the representatives of the big drug companies in the room yet? Please concentrate for us… no, Hillary won’t steal your profits until after you help us solve this crisis! OK, I think we’re ready to begin, now that we have the help of medical professionals. Back to the Obamasm.

Yes, on the surface, this problem seems puzzling. Why would a throng of otherwise rational human beings lose all semblance of sanity because of a single platitude? Why would grown women weep at the mention of a single phrase? Why would a chirp for “change” or a mention of “hope” qualify a freshman senator to command the most deadly armed forces in world history? What germ is melting the brains of Obama’s supporters? Hmm? What? It seems Sanjay Gupta, chief medical correspondent from CNN, would like to chime in.

Go ahead, Sanjay. What are the answers to these questions?

Gupta: Well, we find the root of this phenomenon in a fundamental misunderstanding of the Constitution. Americans currently see the government not as the protector of their rights, but as the provider of said rights. They view the government as an agent for change rather than a covenant with the people. They believe our federal agencies should spend time and money taking the profits of businesses rather than easing the barriers to economic growth for everyone in this country. They believe prosperity comes from the government, not from entrepreneurship and incorporation. They believe their freedom includes freedom from exertion, freedom from worry and freedom from failure. They have bought the Big Lie of Big Government. They profess to value democracy, but subconsciously yearn for socialism.

But how can we reverse this brain damage, doctor?

Gupta: There is a cure to the once-fatal Obamasm, and it lies in education. The responsible leaders of this country, in Congress and in the Oval Office, need to tell people the harsh truth. We must spread the word that the American Revolution was fought to limit government, not expand it. We must teach our countrymen a government with the power to give anything away also has the power to take anything away. We must unmask the essential truth of human life: Our rights emanate from the Creator, not the created apparatus of the state. And, finally – perhaps most difficult of all – our leaders must tell people the freedom to succeed includes the possibility you may fall on your butt. Self-reliance, personal responsibility and free enterprise are precepts we once believed in as Americans. In the 18th century, we lionized these tenets so fully we committed them to history within the pages of our Constitution. It’s time we believed in them once again. America needs to stand tall and proud. We don’t need to faint away, pathetic, cold, cowardly and weak. But I want HOPE!!!

Gupta: Darn, he’s infected, too.