Dear Weatherprofessors,

Due to the unusual amount of rain, I will not be attending classes until further notice. I realize that my absence will be missed, particularly in my [class name removed by editors for security reasons] section. However this situation simply can’t be helped. The walk to class is just too wet, causing me to start taking my clothes off when I get indoors, which has in the past induced wild orgies. For the sake of your careers, I don’t think I should be starting the Brooklyn Bang Dance under your watch. Unless, of course, you’re into that kind of thing. Let me know. My sincerest apologies and good luck staying dry.

All the best,
T.W. Human