Andy Pettite has a standing offer from the Yankees to return at any time for $16 milion a year. If my parents are reading this right now, you really really screwed up by not teaching me how to pitch.
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The Good Place: Feels like they’re living in an alternate reality
How I Met Your Mother: Hardcore romantic
Big Mouth: They have one
Jane the Virgin: Cries at every episode
Schitt’s Creek: Narcissist
Modern Family: Claire Dunphy-esque Google Calendar
Friends: Also has 10 seasons worth of lore
Community: Describes their friend group
Sex and The City: Thinks they’re Carrie Bradshaw
The Office: Dwight Schrute tendencies
Arrested Development: Also likes embezzling money
New Girl: Has a drawer full of glitter and ribbon like Jess