A.S. inaugurated its “newspaper” by running a front-page story about over a dozen students and community members who went on a hunger strike. Problem is, it’s clearly a lie. Just by looking at the accompanying photo, you can tell that at least half of those strikers were eating regularly. The camera adds 10 pounds, but only 10.

P.S. My condolences to the student who claims to have consumed only juice for nine straight days. Just reading about it is enough to give anyone nightmares of diarrhea for weeks.

Thursday’s Forecast: The ‘human celebrates its first anti-A.S. column by binging on hunger strikers.