You Bowl Me Over
Saturday, March 3, 12:26 a.m. – Two deputies were walking on the pathway through a small open space at the intersection of El Embarcadero and Del Playa Drive to a beach accessway when they heard a voice yell, “Watch out, get out of the way!”

One deputy took a few quick steps to the right and turned to the left, just in time to watch his partner get bowled over by an oncoming bicyclist.

As the biker continued his ride, he hit the top of the stairway, and flew through the air, landing at the bottom in the sand.

After quickly checking on the fallen deputy’s welfare, the standing officer saw that the subject was attempting to flee the scene.

The deputy ran down the stairs and told the man to sit in the sand. As they waited for medics to arrive at the scene, the man reported that he drank three Coors Light beers and smoked two joints that night.

Both officer and man were transported to the Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital and treated for minor injuries. The deputy was released with a sprained ankle.

In the hospital, the man told officers that his bicycle brakes were shot, and blamed the accident on his rusty ride.

The man was charged with public intoxication and biking under the influence.

It Was Lovely Meeting You, Officer
Saturday, March 3, 2:11 a.m. – Officers on the 6600 block of Sabado Tarde Road observed an 18-year-old woman stumble alone out of a driveway.

As she appeared unable to care for her own safety, the officers began questioning the woman and asked if she knew where she was.

The subject started rambling on about how she knew exactly where she was – “Sabado Pasado.” She then told the deputy that she lived on campus at Manzanita Village, repeating it several times as if she was saying a tongue twister.

The woman then pointed west, in the opposite direction of her named residence, to show the deputy where she lived.

The barely comprehensible subject told the deputy that she was “too drunk” and he should arrest her.

The officer noted the objective symptoms of public intoxication, and put the woman under arrest.

Meanwhile, the deputy noted that the woman was very pleasant and almost enjoyed being arrested.

The woman thanked the officer as he placed her in the patrol car, and she was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed, pending sobriety.

Close But No Cigar
Friday, March 2, 3:10 a.m. – Residents on the 6700 block of Sue-o Road called the IVFP office requesting a deputy to come check on the welfare of a woman sitting behind their house, moaning and possibly in distress.

When deputies arrived, the residents reported that they saw the subject sitting in the dirt behind their home when they left the residence about two hours before.

An officer approached the 19-year-old woman who could not tell the officer where she was or where she lived, but only that she drank “a lot.”

While completing paper work at the IVFP office, a deputy asked the subject for her phone number.

The woman had a hard time remembering it and grew frustrated before shouting, “Well, I know it starts with 925.”

When the officer placed her in the patrol car to transport her to jail, the woman became angry and upset, and did not have the slightest clue what was going on.

The woman was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was booked, pending sobriety.