Be bold. Be brave. Be bald. This latest trend in Hollywood has taken the nation by storm. First came Britney. Then there was Jack. Jack fell down, and – wait. That’s not right. But who will be next? Sure, Spears and Nicholson might be a wee bit insane – one checks herself in and out of rehab quicker than she could spell the word and the other wears glasses indoors at the Oscars – but these are celebrity icons we’re talking about. As disappointing as it was to find out, Nicholson cut off his hair for a role in an upcoming buddy film where he stars alongside Morgan Freeman as a cancer victim. This shouldn’t come as too much of a shock, seeing as celebrities who have gone bald in the past almost always do so for artistic purposes. But, despite her stellar performance in “Crossroads,” I think it is fair to assume Britney won’t be seen on the big screen any time soon.
Nevertheless, Britney’s fashion faux pas has garnered her tons of public attention in recent weeks. Though it’s hard to say if that’s good or bad. I do give a plus to Britney for her ability to create new talents. She might not be able to top the Billboard charts anymore, but she can sure make the headlines. And as the old saying goes, any publicity is good publicity. I’m sure she’ll be able to get some paid interviews out of it too. I can see it now: Barbara Walters goes one on one with Britney Spears in an ABC primetime special. It’ll go something like this:
Walters: Why did you do it?
Spears: I just wanted to be (fights back tears) free.
Walters: Does that explain the no panties as well?
Spears: Did you just say panties?
While the interviews will have to wait, in the meantime I’ve decided it would be appropriate and timely to look back on celebrity women of the past who have bravely shaved their heads.
Sigourney Weaver: She went bald for her role in “Aliens 3.” It’s explained in the film that she has a lice problem, but it’s fairly obvious she just wanted to shock people into seeing the mediocre sequel. My take: I’d rather go on a date with a girl who had lice and hair than one with no hair and an alien fetus harvesting inside her stomach.
Demi Moore: In an even more blatant publicity stunt, she went bald for her role in “G.I. Jane,” the heart-wrenchingly terrible film about a woman’s struggles in the Navy SEALS. She already looked like a little boy in “Ghost,” but took her testosterone level to a whole new high in this piece of garbage. I don’t know about you, but nothing turns me on more than a bald girl doing pushups in the rain. My take: She should have scratched “G.I. Jane” and made “Striptease 2: Bald and Beautiful.” Think about it.
Natalie Portman: She was surprisingly attractive as a bald vigilante in the hit film “V for Vendetta.” She looked sexier wearing that skintight white get up in “Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones,” but nevertheless I was still impressed. Portman’s baldness didn’t seem to embarrass her either, as she kept the style for a good while after filming had completed. My take: She’ll shave her head for a role in “V for Vendetta,” but when she plays a stripper in “Closer” she never takes off her clothes. Makes perfect sense.
Sinead O’Connor: This nearly bald singer from Ireland made us all feel loved in 1992 with her chart topping single “Nothing Compares 2 U.” Things took a tumble, however, when she tore up a photo of Pope John Paul II on Saturday Night Live. Next thing she knew, people were destroying her records in the streets and radio stations were banning her songs. Today she’s a self-proclaimed Rastafarian who described herself in an interview with Entertainment Weekly as “three quarters heterosexual, one quarter gay.” My take: She’s Irish.