Who can discuss women’s issues without covering weight? Women endlessly search for the easy solution to that last (or first) 15 pounds and spend about 2/3 of the day wondering how looking like a pig will ever attract a man. They also spend more time looking at women than men do. This, of course, is ridiculous to men, who never worry about their weight, and hardly about their girlfriends’. Men will love you no matter how heavy you are, how much dadonk-dadonk you grow or how much milkshake brings the boys to your yard – compliment their steak-making ability and you’ll be cherished forever.

Today’s forecast: The ‘human is glad its obligation to writing about these subjects is over, and returns to jokes about boogers.