Smoked Stupid
Friday, November 3, 11:59 p.m. – Isla Vista Foot Patrol Officers on uniformed patrol observed a 23-year-old man stumble down the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive and nearly fall to the ground.

A deputy began to approach the subject, but before he could get close to the man, the suspect hit the pavement – and rolled around on the street before coming to rest in a seated position.

The officer helped the man to his feet, and began questioning him – first requesting the subject’s ID.

The man began a thorough search of his pockets for his driver license, but then whipped out a package of joint rolling papers and passed them to the officer.

Because the thin sheets of paper did not contain any useful information, the man pulled out his wallet, and again tried to find his ID – but only managed to spill the billfold’s contents onto the grass.

The deputy decided that the chronic offender – who admitted to a prior arrest for public intoxication – was unable to care for his safety and arrested him for being drunk in public.

The man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Meow? Hell, For 20 Bucks I’ll Call Him a Chicken Fucker
Saturday, Nov. 4, 1:19 a.m. – Deputies walking down the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive observed a 20-year-old man urinating off the balcony of someone else’s home.

After finishing his business, the sloshed subject then attempted to enter the apartment, but was intercepted by a group of Foot Patrol officers.

When they began questioning the man, he was unable to tell the deputies which street he lived on. He also could not explain why he was hosing down his neighbor’s deck with urine.

Sensing the officers’ dissatisfaction with his answers, the man got pissed off. He started calling the deputies “mother fuckers” and began ranting incoherently about the movie Super Troopers.

Taking a cue from the film, officers put the man in his place – jail – after arresting him for public intoxication.

I’m Freakin’ Out Man
Sunday, November 5, 1:43 a.m. – An officer patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive observed an 18-year-old man leaning on a vehicle in a driveway.

The man repeatedly yelled, “I love my parents.”

The inebriated freshman – who was apparently a little more than homesick – could not maintain his balance without help, which led the deputy to conclude that the man was intoxicated.

Some passers-by who had stopped to help the delinquent before the police arrived told officers they did not know the tanked teen, and could not take him home to Santa Rosa Residence Hall.

To ensure the man’s safety, the officer arrested him for public intoxication and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Fighting and, Fighting and, Fighting and… Smoking the Reefer
Friday, Oct. 27, 12:48 a.m. – Officers patrolling the area were informed about a street fight happening at the intersection of Del Playa Drive and Camino Pescadero.

When they arrived at the scene, the deputies found two women wrestling on the sidewalk, while a third woman was attempting to break up the brouhaha.

The officers watched as the two slap each other and pull the other’s hair before they could end the scuffle.

After checking the women for injuries, the deputies arrested the disorderly women for disturbing the peace.

An officer began searching the subject’s belongings, and was searching the 20-year-old woman’s purse when he found a small amount of pot inside.

When he showed the woman the illegal substance, the stoner bluntly said, “I wish I had some marijuana right now.”

After hearing this, the officer arrested the woman for public intoxication, and dragged her into the patrol car – then, the subject’s smoldering temper got the best of her.

As the fiending offender was transported to jail, she began to repeatedly kick the plexi-glass shield in the patrol car with her red high-heeled shoes, causing over $200 in damage.

Officers booked the woman at the Santa Barbara County Jail, and she was housed, pending sobriety.

– Compiled by Nikki Moore