Pillow-clenching, toe-tingling, face-numbing pleasure – that’s what an orgasm is all about. Well, and an uncontrollable left eye twitch at my moment of climax, but we all have our quirks. Orgasms are life’s candy, the one moment you have to let yourself go. For most women, orgasms are achieved most readily through oral sex, which will be our topic of discussion this week. Blowjobs are a whole different story than cunnilingus, so we’ll cover that next week.

You always want to start off slowly. Teasing your partner, gently rubbing, scratching and kissing her inner thighs – everywhere but the place it counts – is a good way to leave any woman dripping with anticipation and practically begging for sex.

Comfort: the one word summary of the main way to help a woman climax. When a woman has difficulty achieving orgasm and sweetly tells you that it’s her fault, she is full of artificially sweetened shit. It is you, and if she isn’t in the right place mentally, then you need to fix that. Oral sex is incredibly intimate. Having someone go down there head first is a lot more nerve-wracking than having them just stick it in. I’m constantly thinking about the scent, appearance and general well being of my beloved vagina. Whispered words of relaxation and massages will aid in your venture to the usually unattainable, ultimate goal: the female orgasm.

On a woman, be sure to take your time to find her clitoris, then start from there. Soft, circular rubbing and gentle fingering coupled with tongue stimulation really sets me over the edge. Also, many women are sensitive to the smell of their vaginas, so be polite. The exception to this are the women who have an unpleasant odor as a result of some sort of infection, in which case you have full permission to pack up and leave with the suggestion that she might want to get her snatch checked out. Whatever you do, do not go 99-cent menu on her ass and overeat her. Vigorous, sloppy cunnilingus tends to make women feel embarrassed, which will dry them up faster than a drought in the Sahara. When you’re burrowing into her, you are most likely channeling an aggressive fatty winning a fucking pie eating contest, which is definitely not a sexy image.

No one should be given an A+ for half-ass work. Ladies, if it isn’t working for you, please do the whole female population a favor and do not fake it. There is enough faking it with tans and titties on this campus, and the last thing we need is an overly confident male population that does not know a clitoris from a belly button. On the flip side of that, if your partner is doing something right, let him know! No one can read minds, and it is necessary to train most people in order to get exactly what you want. However, part of knowing what you want is being in tune with your own body. I suggest that, before you allow a partner to jump in and heat you up, you climb into a hot bathtub and learn how to do it yourself. Experience is the best teacher, so do not feel ashamed to touch yourself while thinking of, say, Patrick “McDreamy” Dempsey wearing nothing but a stethoscope and a smile. Providing a hands-on demonstration of how to get you off can provide priceless lessons and another form of foreplay.

Remember that sex is supposed to be fun! If you make oral sex a chore, it will be. No one wants a partner who hates going down on her because that negates the whole idea of pleasuring someone. If you don’t want to go down on someone, don’t do it. Better to have no pleasure than to have a partner bitching and moaning about his jaw hurting. Suck it up, literally. You know you’re close when she’s panting heavily, moaning or just pushing herself into you. Don’t give up! Finish like a champ and your reward for turning her on may just be reciprocation with the same thoughtfulness, or a romp in the sack to take advantage of some unexpected extra lubrication.

Daily Nexus sex columnist Jenny Paradise is also guilty of dreaming about “McSteamy” while getting steamy in the bathtub.