I know that around Halloween you want to be with someone that knows how to have a good time; someone who is really wild and makes you want to release your inhibitions and go crazy. I can identify with that, I totally get it – it’s just that for me, that person happens to be Steve Kerr.
If Steve Kerr is that person for you too (or should you prefer Jim Gray or Danny Ainge or Fred Carter or whoever, it’s cool; I am not judging. You Jim Gray people are weird, but I’m not judging) then let us celebrate the launch of yet another NBA season.
Now I know a lot of you sports fans out there shrug off the NBA until playoffs because you think it’s just an 8,000-game regular season full of meaningless games that do not count. To those who think that, I say: fair enough. But do not let your fancy social life and healthy outdoor lifestyle stop you from checking in on the intrigue of an NBA season from start to finish.
By watching the season from the beginning, you will enjoy such benefits as: actually seeing Grant Hill play before he gets hurt – an NBA Big Foot sighting, not to mention that you can also make some kind of drinking game based on the amount of times you hear the phrase “If Grant Hill can stay healthy…” when the sports media discusses the Magic; getting a good laugh out of the clash between Paul Gasol’s “Castaway”-chic facial hair and the NBA’s dress code as he sits injured on the sidelines for a while; and then of course watching Kobe Bean Bryant try to mask his chagrin that more people are talking about the NBA’s new ball than they are about his dramatic and controversial number change from eight to 24. Before the season is over, Kobe might have to conjure some allegations about Chris Mihm making a pass at his wife and then make the sports talk show rounds just to get that off-court spotlight he covets back on him.
All that is well and good, but if you are like me – and pray that you are not – you are struggling with starting a season without your NBA guiding light on the sidelines, Larry Brown. I need Larry Brown; without him I am Luke Skywalker keeled over next to my tauntaun wondering who the space is going to tell me to go to the Dagobah system. I mean, I’m glad he is back in coaching and all, but I do not think that Don Nelson knows where the Dagobah system is, and to go even further, I am sure he thinks Dagobah is something made by Pepperidge Farm.
Bad “Star Wars” metaphors aside, the impending NBA season is something you really should check out if you do not plan to already. It is often mundane, sometimes wild and is on three times a week; basically it’s like “Big Brother: All Stars” except that, instead of Julie Chen, you have Fred Hickman and his glossy new metro look. So come on, forget about those “lives” you have and get in front of your TV set for tip-off week before Doug Collins gets blonder and puts us all in danger.
Nexus staff writer Cassie Harris was lying about not actually having a life. She is actually being paid by a subliminal advertising company to convince college students to watch more TV.