Ross shoppers are afflicted with the debilitating disease I like to call “Shit Hoarding.” Heaps of lime green purses, fluffy shoes and “Bob the Builder” shirts stashed behind highball glasses and picture frames – hidden for the hunter to return to – flood the store’s shelves. Apparently Santa Barbara’s “off-price” store has only so much crap worth buying.

The ‘human has taken it upon itself to cure these poor degenerates by either re-hiding or buying the desired products. This act of charity throws great financial burden onto the ‘human, but more importantly, squelches the ‘human’s pride. Bringing home the fifth copy of Kenny G’s Christmas album was funny, but the seventh and eighth only brings derision and questioning stares from the roommates.

Tuesday’s Forecast: The streak of love for humanity continues throughout the week, and the ‘human ends up helping the ugly by admitting the problem for them.