Halloween weekend is coming up, and we all know what to expect. Over 30,000 people from all over the country come to our Isla Vista community looking to get wasted, bone down and have an all around great time. Thousands of different costumes will crowd Del Playa Drive, making it nearly impossible to walk. Aside from the obvious fun to be had at random house parties and along the streets of I.V., there are a few hidden treasures to look out for this weekend.
The first, which is also my favorite, is watching all the people that have been arrested. On your way back from DP, stop by the Isla Vista Foot Patrol. There you will find over 100 drunk people, sitting Indian style, strapped in handcuffs. It’s so much fun to just stand there and watch these poor people. It’s great because you aren’t one of these unfortunate fools who got caught for being too drunk and these people are all extremely plastered. You can watch these people squirm around, complain, cry or even yell incoherent phrases.
You might also want to try trick-or-treating. Although childish, it can reap you great rewards. On the day of Halloween, find a little kid to take trick-or-treating, or pretend one of your friends is mentally challenged. Head up to Montecito and go trick-or-treating. These wealthy families are known to give out much more then candy. As a bonus, hit up Oprah’s house. She gave out Ipods a few years ago, so who knows what she’ll give out this year. One of my buddies went trick-or-treating in I.V., too. He went up to hundreds of random houses and received a few pieces of candy, a cucumber and about 80 beers.
There is also the always classic Poo dollar, one of the greatest games every played, which will be a guaranteed success this weekend. Poo dollar is played by watching people pick up a dollar with poop on it. To play, you will need a dollar, poop, an audience, a good location to watch the event and probably a camera. To begin, get some poop on the dollar, either human or of the animal variety. Carefully plant the dollar in a medium to high traffic location. Make sure this location is easily visible from a secret location where you and your audience will hide. Techniques for dropping the doo doo dinero include the “don’t mind me, I’m just tying my shoe,” “whoops, there goes my dollar” and the “back stretch dollar drop.” Quickly escape to the private spectating spot and watch. What you will most likely see is unsuspecting victims stop, pick up the dollar, walk a few feet, smell the dollar and then, horrified, shake their hands to rid themselves of the poo dollar. Lucky for you and your friends, the dollar drops close to its original location and a few minutes later, another person does the same thing. This game is perfect for Halloween weekend because there are so many people walking around and so much poop available.
The last hidden treasure this Halloween weekend is the “bag-o-goodies” that the IVFP confiscate. When you head to DP, anything that potentially could be used as a weapon will be confiscated. I was pissed when I was an awesome Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and my Donatello bow-staff was taken from me. The IVFP gives you about a week or two to claim your confiscated items. If you have not claimed them by then, they throw away all of these sweet accessories, which means they are up for grabs. It’s like Christmas time for UCSB students.
This weekend will be insanely fun, just as it is every year: guys dressed in random, funny costumes and girls in slutty versions of stereotypical professions or Disney characters. Getting drunk and laid this weekend is easier then taking candy from a trick-or-treating baby. Make a note of these secret yet fun things to do this weekend. Also, try not to be one of the thousands of people that get arrested for being too drunk or for fighting. Let the out-of-towners be the idiots who get arrested or have their costume accessories confiscated. Amid all the craziness, watch out for horseshit, don’t take any costume accessories to DP and try out a few of the hidden treasures of Halloween in IV.
Daily Nexus columnist Ray Collins has been increasing his fiber intake in preparation for this weekend.