If a reporter has been especially bad, they get assigned the
Clang Clang Clang Goes The Ding Dong
Featured Comic
Midterm Priorities at UCSB
Labyrinth: Grades Search
Aries
March 21 - April 19
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Taurus
April 20 - May 20
“dusty rusty crusty musty ass california hills”
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
“frowning in plaid (haunted radios, bird bones + anthropomorphized wind)”
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
“warming my hands on bridges i’ve burnt”
Leo
July 23 - August 22
“songs that make me see god”
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
“My Playlist #236”
Libra
September 23 - October 22
“classy wine moment and intellectual conversation”
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
“90s heroin chic model off duty”
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
“tweet tweet bird emoji map emoji”
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
“not my circus, not my monkeys”
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
“a grave is probably cheaper than an apartment”
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
“ATE THESE BITCHES LEFT NO CRUMBS / DID IT IN DESIGNER PUMPS”
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