You Turn Me Right Round, Baby

Wednesday, May 17, 2:50 a.m. – The California Highway Patrol alerted Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers that an inebriated 21-year-old man was wandering down the middle of El Colegio Road into oncoming traffic.

A deputy contacted the man and attempted to find out what he was doing, but the man could not answer his simple questions.

Curiously, the man proceeded to spin in circles while pointing his hands in opposite directions.

At this point, the man lost his balance, and the officer had to catch the dizzy drunk before he fell to the ground.

The subject told officers that he could not remember his address, phone number or name.

The man was arrested for public intoxication, and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was booked, pending sobriety.

Wine is Fine… Liquor Would Have Killed Her

Saturday, May 20, 1:05 a.m. – Deputies walking down the 6600 block of Trigo Road watched as a 19-year-old woman sitting on the curb attempted to stand, and nose-dived into an unidentified man.

The man helped the woman to her feet, and she stood swaying back and forth, nearly toppling over.

An officer approached the woman, and sat her on the curb for her safety.

The deputy asked the woman how much she had had to drink that night, and she admitted to consuming two whole glasses of red wine.

The officer decided the lightweight wino was too inebriated to care for her own safety, and arrested her for public intoxication.

The woman was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was booked, pending sobriety.

Standing Outside the Fire

Sunday, May 21, 1:29 a.m. – Officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive watched as a man holding a red plastic gas container lit the can on fire and tossed it onto a wooden table.

The deputies and more than 100 pedestrians watched as the flames shot 20 feet into the air, and soon extinguished.

As the officers slowly approached the subject, they watched as he grabbed the gas can, relit it, and threw it back on the table.

When the arson looked away from the burning table, he saw the deputies walking toward him.

The man quickly fled the scene, but did not get too far before an officer caught and arrested him.

The subject began pleading with the officer, “I am sorry for running, I was stupid.”

Captain Obvious then told the officer that he only lit the gas can on fire, and did not burn the table.

The deputy, who witnessed the entire scene, ignored the man’s lies and transported him to the IVFP office for holding.

At the office, the subject tried to talk his way out of the dilemma, and fired back at the officer’s claims that he burned the table.

“Look – I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have done that if I wasn’t drunk. I do stupid thinks when I’m drunk. I hope you can forgive me.”

The officers politely forgave the man. They then transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was booked for obstructing justice and the unlawful burning of wood in a public place.

– Compiled by Nikki Moore