Silence: Something two naked people in the same bed never want to hear.
Sure, silence is appropriate in many situations, like during class, in the middle of naptime or when you are trying to have sex in the bathroom. In these places, silence is not only appreciated, but is also expected as a common courtesy. The acoustics of the bathroom are such that every little sound bounces off of the tile and is sent echoing into the house, annoying and disgusting roommates and neighbors alike. Every slap, every moan and every time you slip and send the shampoo bottles flying can be heard in eerie surround sound in the kitchen, bedroom and living room. Your best bet to get some privacy and to appease your roommates ends up being with a towel on the hard floor, with the shower and sink running, while covering each others mouths trying to stifle the joys of climax. It takes coordination and dedication, but it’s also a bitch of a water waster.
In the privacy of the bedroom, however, silence is rarely welcome.
It shouldn’t come as a shock that, whoever your partner is, she definitely desires a partner as enthusiastic as she is. Sex is like being a team player: You give it your all and you actively support your teammates, both physically and vocally. If you aren’t telling your partner her status on the field, she’s going to lose the ball, and then she’ll be annoyed that you weren’t looking out for her. She’ll roll over and complain of a headache and then you’ll have to either jerk off with only your lonely tears as lubrication or go to bed with balls bluer than an Isla Vista summer sky. So, maybe you should look into a little vocalizing.
If playing the part of the mute during sex has been second nature to this point in your life, don’t you question why you’re having sex with someone else in the first place? If you aren’t comfortable making a little noise with someone, how can you possibly be comfortable with his penis inside of you?
There are various stages of breaking the silence. Beginner’s steps include that sharp intake of breath that results from the perfect first touches from fingers and mouth, and fantastic little moans that let your partner know he is on the right track. Both of these are easy and don’t require much thought, considering that if it feels great, they should be part of your sexual second nature anyway. Vocalizing your pleasure this way helps your partner understand what makes you feel good and makes his job of pleasing you much easier.
Turning those sounds into words is the next step. It’s like learning to talk all over again. Again, if you feel awkward or embarrassed talking during sex, you really shouldn’t be having it in the first place. This kind of communication is really more about moral support and coaching your partner to please you with commands like “harder,” “faster” or “just like that.” It’s also nice to hear your name being called in pure pleasure, assuring you that no one does it better, baby – no one.
The pinnacle of communication in the bedroom is always foul-mouthed, dirty talk. The kind so vulgar you have to whisper it in each other’s ears lest someone overhear and burst into tears. Like peanut butter, some people are terribly allergic, but those who enjoy it love to lay it on thick and eat it up by the spoonful. You can start off small using various four-letter words, and, after you get the hang of things, string together coherent, nasty sentences – the more creative, the better. People should give their foul mouths a chance to spout off during sex at least once. Even if it makes you laugh it’s okay because you are allowed to have a good time during sex. That means stop taking sex so seriously and start seriously enjoying it.
Communicating your arousal to your partner will do nothing but turn him on more, so stop being so timid and start vocalizing your pleasure. Unless you’re in the bathroom, in which case you owe extra this month on the water bill.
Daily Nexus sex columnist Nina Love Anthony’s first words were “Big daddy.”