Gotta Know When to Hold ‘Em and When to Fold ‘Em
Friday, Feb. 24, 12:18 a.m. — Officers patrolling the 700 block of Embarcadero del Norte watched an 18-year-old man walk out of Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity holding a red plastic cup.

The subject was talking on his cell phone when he spotted the officer. The man stopped walking, quickly turned around and walked back toward the fraternity house.

The officer told the man to stop walking, escorted him to sidewalk and sat him on the curb.

The deputy asked the man what was in his cup, and he admitted that he was drinking vodka and pineapple juice.

The officer then asked the man for his ID. As the subject removed his driver license, the deputy noticed that he appeared to be trying to hide something, and asked to see the wallet.

The officer searched the wallet and found a fake ID that the subject told the officer he used to gamble at the Pechanga Casino in Temecula, Calif.

When the deputy questioned the man further, the subject insisted that he absolutely never used the ID to buy alcohol — only to gamble.

The officer informed the man that it is a felony to gamble underage, and recommended that he find himself a new hobby.

The man was cited for a minor in possession and for possession of a fake ID.

Stairway to Intoxication
Saturday, Feb. 25, 2:21 a.m. — Officers responding to an anonymous complaint regarding a loud party on the 800 block of Embarcadero del Norte arrived to find a 19-year-old man lying passed out on an upstairs balcony.

The deputy approached the man and attempted to wake him up — a process that took several minutes.

Since waking the man up was about all the officer could do, the officer asked several other people at the party if they knew who he was, but his identity remained a mystery.

Because the balcony was open to the street, the man was arrested for public intoxication.

The deputy had to practically carry the man as he walked down the stairs in order to get him to the patrol car, and then transported him to the I. V. Foot Patrol station in preparation for booking.

At the station, the deputy began questioning the man, who could only respond by mumbling unintelligibly.

The officer decided that the man was more intoxicated than he previously suspected, and had him transported to the emergency room at the Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital for acute alcohol poisoning.

Worst Bobblehead Doll Ever
Sunday, Feb. 26, 1:30 a.m. — An extremely intoxicated 18-year-old woman was dropped off at the IVFP office early Sunday morning.

The driver said he came to Isla Vista to “hang out” with the woman, but when he met up with her she too inebriated to function.

The man said he tried to take the woman to her house, but she was too intoxicated to tell him where she lived.

The man then drove the subject around I.V. to see if she could point out her house, but she was unable to do so.

At that point, the woman vomited in the man’s car.

Apparently that was the last straw, and the man decided to unload his passenger onto the IVFP officers.

The woman was unable to tell deputies her name or address, and could only respond by nodding and repeating the word “yeah.”

The woman was arrested for public intoxication and was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was booked, pending sobriety.