The only thing I miss about high school is the suspensions. Remember how exciting it was when you or somebody you knew was suspended for the day and the whole school was ablaze in gossip.

“I heard the ‘human is at the mall, doing drugs.”
“That’s bullshit. The ‘human isn’t at the mall. He’s at your mom’s house.”
The last guy was right.

Thursday’s forecast: When I graduate from this place, I’m moving back in with your moms.