So we had a statewide election last Tuesday.

You drunkards have already forgotten about it, haven’t you?

I decided not to run a piece last week, because a) I have so much badass cred around the Nexus that I can do that and b) I wanted to wait to see the aftermath of Arnold’s statewide assault. Unfortunately, I waited too long, as there was no assault. All of the ballot measures failed, so Arnold’s California Recovery Team should have spent their money on something useful, like an 11th HUMMER for the Governator’s collection.

And my-oh-my, it was a lot of money. In total, it amounted to over $50 million in advertising, advocacy and anal lubrication for the analysts. Arnold himself donated over $500,000 to the Recovery Team (check if you think I’m shitting you), so he has a lot to cry about. He put his heart, soul and personal trainer funds into this. And you fuckers have already forgotten about him.

But really, we should be crying for better leaders. California is the small, soot-ridden child trapped in the well and California’s political consultants are the smarmy onlookers who won’t hear her cries. Even the Republicans worry that Arnold is unduly influenced by his assistants. One Republican strategist was recently quoted saying, “There’s too many people on the political team … too many people making too much money.”

Yeah, no shit, Senator Sherlock. Arnold’s cronies acted like spendthrifts without the thrift, and waste-mongers with all the mongering. I’d like to invent more words, but I won’t be a sarcastamatron. Doesn’t this reek of Gray Davis all over again? Weren’t we trying to avoid these problems when we elected Schwarzenegger?

To be fair, there were other election snafus. There was no common or unifying theme behind Schwarzenegger’s initiatives; they were all jumbled together to make a political fruit salad. As a result, only a few striking initiatives stuck out like a sore thumb. I don’t know about you, but to me, Proposition 73 sounded like an Orwellian bear trap for females. Compared to the other ballot measures, at least Proposition 73 made voters wake the fuck up and vote.

But still, most of the election was a futile and expensive attempt at change. If this happened in the business world, the CEOs wouldn’t stand for it. There would be layoffs, firings and indictments for using company funds to buy Taiwanese hookers, etcetera, etcetera. Except for the latter option, Arnold won’t worry himself with the books. He’ll go back to business as usual, ignoring the waste and whistling while he works. And six days after the election, we’ll need a whiny opinion columnist to remind ourselves about it.

My favorite quotes after any political failure come from the PR reps and advertising men. These men put the “great” in “great big nipple,” or the “special” in “especially like a shithead.” Don Sipple, a former advertising coordinator for Arnold, responded to claims that the governor wasn’t living up to his uber-leader image by saying, “No mortal’s going to measure up to that ideal.” Thanks for clarifying, Don. We’ll find someone’s who immortal to run for governor next time.

Overall, I believe that Californians came out of this election just as frustrated as before. Some of us were relieved that the measures failed, while others of us were pissed. Some of us don’t even remember that anything happened. But ultimately, we all should be pissed that so much money was spent on so little change. You should be blushing, Arnold. It’s like a lap dance without the donkey punch afterward – why would you even bother?

Daily Nexus columnist Matt Cappiello dares you to look up “sarcastamatron.”