I’m all about the whole “girl power” thing that Roxy’s been promoting. It’s nice to have bikinis that stay on, board shorts that actually look cute and wetsuits that don’t have all that extra room in the crotch. But, sometimes, I can’t help but think to myself, “Those bitches have really lost it.”
For example, the Roxy breast cancer awareness program, Keep A Breast, has raised a significant amount of money for breast cancer prevention and is a great program for female athletes to support and be involved in, despite the horribly pun-tastic title. However, the Keep A Breast fundraiser at the Roxy Jam UK this Monday was slightly out there.
Rather than selling tickets or simply asking for donations, Keep A Breast decided to have an auction. Not just any auction, but a very special auction that would remind participants of the cause for which they dropped so much hard-earned dough. Naturally, a breast cancer fundraiser should auction off… well, breasts.
These crazy broads made plaster molds of the breasts of some of the world’s top female surfers, slapped some paint on them, called it art and auctioned them off for a grand total of $34,600. I don’t know which is weirder, the boobie molds or the fact that people actually paid money for them. Yes, I want to help prevent breast cancer, but honestly, ladies, I don’t want a pair of tits to mount on my wall. I’m self-conscious enough about my breasts as it is – I don’t need someone else’s lingering around my house to make me feel even more inferior.
Not to mention that the majority of the patrons were other female surfers. How bad would it suck to buy Layne Beachley’s boobs and then get your ass kicked by her during the actual competition? Knowing how psychotic women can get, this could be a source of some serious drama.
I guess what it comes down to is that, if I were at an auction to support breast cancer, I would want to spend my money on something useful – like a watch, or a toaster. Other women’s boobs… not so much. Just because it’s a women’s surf competition and an auction for women to support the fight against a disease that only affects women does not mean that the prize should literally be a piece of a woman. Talk about going overboard with women’s advocacy.
Don’t get me wrong, either – I totally consider myself a feminist. That being said, I’m still not going to deal with the crap that other feminists dish out just for the sake of supporting a cause. If you’re asking for my money, at least make it worth my while.
Daily Nexus surf columnist Kristina Ackermann already has plenty of cocks hanging up on her wall from dudes that dropped in on her.