The big new thing here at the Nexus office is to take a Big Red gum wrapper, lick it and stick it to your forehead. After a minute or so, you’ll discover something very newsworthy: It burns! It burns! Why does it burn, you ask? Well, since I take journalism so seriously, I did some sleuthing and found that one of the ingredients is sulfuric acid. Chew on that, Trident.

Thursday’s forecast: OK, so it doesn’t actually contain sulfuric acid.

It contains fire.