In response to Dave Franzese’s column “The Songs of Seduction” (Daily Nexus, Feb. 23), first off, sure, music can make or break the mood at times. But then again, a lot of times, especially if you’re drunk, you are not paying attention to the music. And if you are paying attention to the music, then you are paying attention to the wrong thing.
Second, just because you don’t understand a certain band, don’t flat-out defame something that has far more significance than you are possibly aware of. What am I talking about, you ask? I’m talkin’ about the band Phish. And now for a little Phish-tory.
Phish has been considered by many of the major music magazines and critics — most notably Rolling Stone — to be one of the most important rock bands of our time. It accomplished fame unparalleled by any of today’s artists — and not by the sheer number of fans but by the sheer dedication of the fans and the direct relationship the band had with them. On top of that, Phish’s music has touched the lives of millions of people and brought together people from all walks of life. I’ve never heard of any band pull some of the stuff it did, i.e. multiday festivals in which 100,000 people came to see just them for three nights and yet the place was left virtually spotless — as opposed to Woodstock, which was a dump after it was over. They performed a marathon seven-hour-and-45-minute set from midnight to sunrise for the 1999-2000 switch-over and a whole mess of other things too numerous to explain here.
And if the “40 years too late” remark was in reference to the Grateful Dead, let me remind you that Phish isn’t the Grateful Dead. The Grateful Dead had their thing and Phish had theirs. After attending 17 shows in nine years of dedicated following of the band, I can say that my life has been changed forever because of this band. The musical ability that they put in night in and night out and the dedicated practice they had was unparalleled and mostly unheard of in today’s mainstream music world. To me, that’s inspiration right there. Your lack of understanding of such bands is very apparent. Most people, when they don’t understand something, will mock it or — as the father of Taoism, Lao Tse, would say — “When the foolish man hears of the Tao, he laughs.” I could go on forever but I want to move on to my next part tying into Phish, which is that you have no imagination when it comes to sex.
I have personally heard others say they’ve “hooked up” to Phish. Second, I have personally had a wonderful sexual experience while Phish was on in the background. I can see the shock forming already, so get ready for this one: Trey Anastasio, the Phish guitarist, is considered by many to be one of the most prolific guitar players of all time. Now, what I have learned also applies to any of the other prolific guitar players of all time — i.e. Jimi Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, Eric Clapton, etc.
For all you guys out there, you might wanna read closely. When you choose to go down on a girl, think of the most rippin’ guitar solo you can think of and mimic that with your tongue. A good guitar solo will have long notes, fast movements, varying speeds and various amounts of elements that make a guitar solo great — you see where I’m going here? For me, Trey Anastasio’s guitar solos — from songs such as “Maze,” “Weekapaug Groove” and “Buried Alive,” to name a few — work wonders for what I’m talking about. It all requires imagination, and apparently you don’t know how to use yours.
So fellas, start listening to some great guitar players and pay attention for a change, then try out what I have just explained here, and you might just be surprised by the results. Believe me, I’ve only seen positive ones. Don’t have music to be found anywhere? Just re-create the solo in your head.
So before you start talking smack about music you have no understanding about and talk about how the music has to be perfect for sex, stop and use your imagination, because, as the Rolling Stones once said, “You can’t always get what you want.”
Mike Skyba is a senior sociology major.