As a toddler, I was shy. I spoke only when spoken to – if then – and as my mother taught me, I was leery of strangers.

Since then, I’ve developed basic social skills. I’m able to mingle, meet new people and make new friends. And I’m proud of this; I no longer have the social capacity of a 3-year-old.

Now the Internet threatens to diminish these accomplishments. Damnit, Facebook, since when did one-on-one social interaction become a thing of the past?

The truth is, Facebookers, your little Mecca of online matchmaking is nothing more than a self-perpetuating version of those fucking e-mail profiles I used to receive from my high school friends – duplicate forms, all with the same pathetic message: “Fill this out and learn things about people you never knew! Send them to everyone you know!” Imagine my surprise when I found out Susie’s favorite color was orange or that Brenda’s favorite movie was “How Stella Got Her Groove Back.” (Brenda, you sappy bastard.) Now you can send that same ridiculous who-the-fuck-cares info to people you don’t even know. (Facebooker, I hear you whimpering. I see you contemplating rushing home to form a “People who hate Kristen Richer” group.)

Hurrah, but here’s a different suggestion: Try stepping out of the Internet tech-geek force field that is Thefacebook and actually interacting with people via conversation or recreation. And when you do, don’t mention you have a fetish for monkeys or that your favorite flick is “Beaches.” Trust me on this one.

Daily Nexus Assistant County Editor Kristen Richer still holds her whisky like a 3-year-old.