Good Strategy
Saturday, May 1, 12:10 a.m. – Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive observed a 19-year-old woman staggering eastbound, being helped along by a friend. When officers approached to check on the woman’s well-being, they noticed she smelled strongly of alcohol and could not stand up without assistance.

Officers asked the woman if she knew where she was, to which she mumbled something unintelligible. Officers repeated the question, and the woman gave her present location as “542 Isla Vista.”

Police attempted to clarify her response, as 542 Isla Vista does not exist, but the woman sensed she was quickly becoming trapped in her own web of lies. She started crying, then vomited on herself and passed out with her head in her lap, conveniently making herself unavailable for further questioning.

Officers transported her first to Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital, where she was medically cleared, then brought her to Santa Barbara County Jail, where she was housed pending sobriety.

Up in Grill, Down on Floor
Saturday, May 1, 1:29 a.m. – IVFP officers responding to a fight call on the 6500 block of Picasso Road found a 20-year-old man being propped up against a car by two friends. The man’s pants were unbuttoned and around his knees. His eyes appeared rolled back in his head.

Once illuminated with the officer’s flashlight, bystanders disagreed about the man’s name, giving two different options. However, the man with his pants down interrupted the brief confusion by confirming his real name. Officers noted that for the next 45 minutes, the man kept giving his name as the answer to every question he was asked.

Police also noted his pants and shirt were soiled with dirt and an unknown green substance. His shirt was saturated with several different patches of moisture.

Due to the man’s extreme level of intoxication, officers brought the man directly to Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital.

Once he sobered up enough to move, the man became verbally aggressive and began standing up on the hospital bed, only to fall to the ground.

He then said something similar to “I’m all up in your grill, player-haters,” according to police. He was arrested for public intoxication and transported to Santa Barbara County Jail, where he took another stab at being housed pending sobriety.

Communication Major
Saturday, May 1, 4:30 a.m. – IVFP officers responded to a report of a “very intoxicated” 19-year-old male patient at Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital. The man had been admitted to the hospital’s emergency room earlier but was medically cleared to leave. However, hospital staff judged he was still too drunk to care for his own safety (see “admitted to emergency room earlier”).

Upon arrival, officers observed various signs of intoxication, including the fact that he was wearing a diaper over his pants because he had soiled himself.

Officers asked the man how much he had to drink, to which he responded, “One beer.” When asked how he was feeling, the man replied, “Yeah, one beer” and told the officers he was “fine” (see “admitted to emergency room earlier”).

Officers then asked the man what he was studying in school, to which he mumbled something unintelligible.

The man was arrested for public intoxication and transported to Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed pending sobriety.