Intrigue and confidence are elusive in the bedroom. Sometimes difficulties arise when people attempt to steer away from the shy, boring, missionary position with the lights off. I often try to avoid yawning when I find myself laying straight on the bed while Boner Beau is pounding away. That position can be nice from time to time, but sexual experiences are a lot more enjoyable when you can really let yourself get wild with your partner. For this reason alone I am an advocate of masturbating in front of a partner.

I wouldn’t want to see a guy whackin’ it for me – that’s just not my style. But I have been told by many males that when a partner masturbates in front of them it is intimate, bold and a remarkable turn on. Whether the main event or just the foreplay, masturbation in front of someone adds a different dynamic to an ordinary bedroom experience.

At first, the idea of doing something that private in the presence of someone else may be appalling. But if you think about it, it’s really a win-win situation for all. You know what you like, so chances are pretty good that you will be able to get off when you are good and prepared. Meanwhile the other person gets turned on without the frustrations and doubts about whether what they do with you is going to cause you to have an orgasm.

Making the decision to actually go through with masturbation in front of a partner requires some mental preparation. One key to this is relaxation. If you are not relaxed, you will end up looking like some robotic stress case. Your body will be tense, teeth grinding, eyes bloodshot and hands working at 10 times the speed of everything else while you are blurting out things like, “This feels pretty good, oh this is fun, have I come yet? How about now? Oh yeah, take it home lefty!”

If you would like to try touching yourself in front of your mate but feel too intimidated to just begin going at it alone, I suggest teamwork. You can always have them help you start things off by letting them guide your hand, just in the beginning. This way it eases the pressure on you to perform until you get turned on enough to handle being a spectacle.

By watching a partner masturbate, one might even be able to pick up a few tips on what to do when they are doing the touching. This is a good excuse to try out the new methods with that person to see if you can become as successful at getting them off as they are.

Do not let the masturbation part of the whole ordeal backfire on you though. If you watch the person masturbate until they finish off and then they are too spent from that to do anything more with you, you are getting screwed without the pleasure of the actual screwing. You could find yourself masturbating in the corner while the other person takes a fulfilling, post-orgasmic nap.

An even more unfortunate situation could be that if you usually fake it when you are with them and they see you react differently when you touch yourself, they might figure out that you have been acting. In that case, you brought the shit storm onto yourself, so take it as a lesson and be honest with sexual partners in the future. In theory, if you are honest enough you can teach the person what you like and you won’t have to fake anything.

As for masturbation, you know what you want when you take matters into your own hands, no faking required. Thus it seems logical to give masturbating in front of your partner a try. At least you know for sure that you are already good at it. As much as people hate to admit it, everyone loves attention. And honestly, many people don’t even like to admit they masturbate. So combine these two guilty pleasures into one joyous occasion.

When you masturbate for a partner they enjoy giving you that intimate attention just as much as you love to receive it. It’s almost like you are starring in your own porno minus the cameras, stagehands and trashy porn stars. If this still sounds like a bad idea to you: don’t knock it until you try it.

Daily Nexus sex columnist Kate Rice has deep feelings for Lefty.