If there’s one way to avoid attention from the law this Halloween, it’s to be the law.
Dressing as police officers will provide you and your friends the opportunity to live out every law enforcement fantasy you’ve ever conceived.
Arrest the drunk in public. Cite the minor in possession. Chase the burglar. Tackle the alcohol-fueled subjects resisting arrest. Hand out the noise violation citations. Write the reports.
Or, use your illusion of authority to pursue hilarity, not hoodlums.
Get yourself a badge and tan slacks, and fill your collared cop shirt with crumpled newspaper or extra sweaters to give your torso that bulletproof look.
Grab a Mag-Lite and hit DP with your posse. Order drunk girls to give you their phone numbers.
Demand that detainees perform impossible feats of balance to prove their sobriety.
Sit drunk guys down on the curb and chat loudly with your fellow “officers” about how current inmates welcome new prisoners to jail.
Confiscate kegs, handles of hard alcohol, drugs and drug paraphernalia. Book it all into the evidence locker, but don’t let anyone see that the “evidence locker” is really the back of your pickup truck.
Remember – a significant portion of revelers this weekend will be from out of town. They will not be familiar with local rules and regulations. Take advantage of this ignorance by making up your own penal code entries.
Remind passersby that tipping law enforcement personnel is strongly encouraged.
If you are approached by “real” police officers Halloween night, rest assured that they are probably only contacting you to express their appreciation of your “costume” that glorifies their profession. You’re in the clear – no one dressed like a police officer would break any laws.
Daniel Haier the Daily Nexus assistant county editor.