I overheard a guy say that there is no such thing as a bad blow job. I don’t know why, but it is an indisputable fact that men love to receive oral sex. I used to hope that my ex-boyfriend wouldn’t ask me for a BJ. But, of course, he would always try to get me to do it. Finally, I’d roll my eyes, sigh, and drop to perform my destined kneeling duty. I’d think about the way clouds form or about the upcoming election; funny how these things go through your head at times like these.

After six years in this relationship, there was really no way of getting around the fact that if I wanted to keep him faithful, I would have to learn to give in to some of his desires. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point I actually started to enjoy performing fellatio. Maybe it was the way that he writhed in pleasure, or the way he moaned. I don’t really know. Maybe I enjoyed knowing secrets to his pleasure that no one else knew. In any case, I learned a few tricks that my future boyfriends will be glad I know.

The most important thing is to make it seem as though you really enjoy giving head. I know this can be hard at first. A good way to start is by being sexually turned on yourself. The throat and cervix actually elongate to accommodate a stiff boner. This physiological fact would suggest that oral sex is a natural alternative to prevent pregnancy and as a substitute for those messy monthly days. In other words, it’s OK!

Once you’re ready, start by kissing every part of his body except his penis and scrotum. Run your fingers along his arms, torso, and inner thighs. Breathe hot air on his penis so that he can actually feel your mouth’s proximity to his cock. Anticipation is key to his arousal. Finally, grab his penis around the bottom and pull it towards you. Tease him by flicking your tongue along the bottom of his scrotum and shaft until it is nice and wet. As you get to his head, lick the frenulum, the underside of his penis at the bottom of the head, in a quick motion several times. You can blow cool air on it so that your mouth feels that much warmer when you finally devour it.

When he can’t stand it anymore, put your mouth over his head and lick gently and slowly. Firmly close your mouth around his cock like a toothless carnivore. Keep your lips around your teeth so that they never come in contact with his sensitive jewels. Slowly apply more and more pressure with your mouth as you go further down his shaft. As you put his penis in your mouth, moan as if you’re really enjoying it. Not only is this extremely sensual, but it will give him the impression that you like his manhood in your mouth.

As you put more and more of his throbbing penis in your mouth, apply increasing pressure with your lips as you move down the length of his penis with the most pressure being applied around the base. Most guys really enjoy simultaneous stimulation of the head and scrotum, so don’t ignore his ball sack. As he becomes more turned on, his testicles will constrict and harden slightly. This is a good indicator that he is about to blow his wad. Men’s sexual response occurs in cycles, so the more times he almost cums, the more intense his orgasm will be when he finally does cum. The most important thing is to get rid of the sewing machine motion common in porn flicks. You are not a porn star.

I prefer doing three cycles because after that, it’s just torture. A guy can only take so much. Ejaculation can be greatly enhanced with gentle, but firm pressure on the scrotum. As you master these techniques, you can eventually find a good use for your free hand. Rub his lower belly or pinch his nipples.

Guys pretend they don’t enjoy nipple stimulation, but don’t worry, he won’t be in a position to tell you no.

When he does ejaculate, it is important that the fate of his cum be predetermined. If you don’t like to swallow, he should respect your decision. If he tries to pull a fast one on you, don’t give him head anymore. If, however, you’re in a monogamous relationship and trust him, you can increase his pleasure by swallowing loudly after he cums.

There are so many variations that can make a BJ interesting and more pleasurable. These are just the basics.

Don’t ask Daily Nexus sex columnist Christina Huff how the up-and-down sewing machine motion makes darning her socks in interesting and more pleasurable.