Thursday 10/2

If you haven’t already heard, Sweden is a rising mecca for hot musical exports, including The Sounds, high energy pop rockers complete with a sassy Blondie-inspired front woman. They will be performing tonight at the Coach House with band Paloalto, who is sure to have you singing along even if you have never heard their songs. For ticket info, call 965-0789. Ditch the I.V. boozefest for one night and make your way on down to one of the swankiest joints in SB, Elsie’s, for an oh-so-elegant art opening and a night of shakin’ music. Acrylic painter Christophe Bigalke will showcase his goods starting at 8 and running until 11. Don’t be square and head down 117 W. De La Guerra in downtown for the revelry.

Friday 10/3

Oh, Tom! Is that an anaconda in your pants, or have the Depends just shifted? Whether you have always dreamed about throwing your panties up on stage, or just get a kick out of Las Vegas show tunes, Tom Jones (and his glistening chest hair) is here for you tonight at 8 in the Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza. Tix start at $35. For info, call 449-2787. The life of a man with two lovers has to be pretty exciting… that is, until he winds up in the hospital and both women accidentally come face to face. Arthur Miller’s play “The Ride Down Mt. Morgan” opens tonight at the Alhecama Theatre in SB at 8. Tickets start at $20. Call 965-6252 for info.

Saturday 10/4

Phatterdays are what some of us call the days we can barely fit into our jeans, but actually the creation of local KJEE DJ, Fat J, taking place at Velvet Jones every Saturday at 9 p.m. Come burn off those fatty calories by sweating, I mean dancing the night away to hip hop and rap from DJ Junk and Lyricist Ize. If the cracked, prison-like walls in you dorm or house are hurting your eyes, why not decorate with some classy artwork? The Goleta Art Festival has you covered this weekend from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the Camino Real Marketplace. Along with the art show, live music will be ongoing throughout the day.

Sunday 10/5

Need to find an exorcist for your pet but they’re all booked up? Bring them out to the front lawn of Mission Santa Barbara and have them blessed by a priest instead. The Annual Blessing of the Animals welcomes all animals starting today at 10 a.m. For info, call 682-4713. Still feeling lost in the overwhelming city of Santa Barbara? If so, get chummy with the Domingo Historic Downtown Walking Tour. You’ll discover secret spots and learn loads about the beautiful Spanish architecture. Plus it’s a great photo opportunity to show all those people back home what they are missing out on. Meet at the SB Public Library at 10 a.m. Tickets are $5. Call 965-6307 for info.

Monday 10/6 – Tuesday 10/7

Don’t throw Caroline Alexander, author of The Endurance: Shackleton’s Legendary Antarctic Expedition, overboard until you hear new evidence behind Captain Bligh’s innocence. Your childhood memories of Mutiny on the Bounty might be shattered in Campbell Hall when she exposes new evidence tonight at 8. Tickets are $8. It gets tiring sitting with beatniks, sipping coffee, and not having jack to say about the renowned French theorist Jacques Derrida. Tonight is just your chance to take notes on the documentary “Derrida,” complete with Q&A by the directors, so you can sound all snazzy-like next time you’re sitting near that mod chick with the lip ring. Tickets are $5. Call 893-3535 for info on both events.

Wednesday 10/8

All P. Diddy knows is bling bling and crystaaal, but in Columbia, there is a deeper dimension to hip-hop. Come to the Multicultural Theater for the screening of “Testimonio: Hip-Hop en Colombia,” where you can see and hear the true struggle of a movement against war, violence and poverty in Columbia. The film begins at 6 tonight. For info call 893-8411. Good luck only comes around so often, but tonight that might change if this band lets you rub their bellies. Bar Absin, the hosts of Buddha’s Belly, who’ll bring the jam band worshipers and jazzy-rock funksters. They traveled all the way from the windy city of Chicago, so don’t miss them tonight at 9. For info, call 965-5057.