Testicles. Tea bag. Penis Pillow. The Juice Crew. Nuggets. Rocky Mountain Oysters. Fluid Friends. We girls can easily forget how much attention we should be paying to them, but believe me, the man never forgets.
Case in point:
“Dude, can I use your room?” He stood there and pondered how generous he should be. George Gonads and his little Chicken McNugget hadn’t seen each other in a while. Gonads had graduated and moved away, and had left his Fontainebleu freshman far behind. But it didn’t mean they couldn’t still find a way. George always found a way to do everything, especially his girlfriends. Luckily for him, his friend was feeling particularly generous.
“All right, man, but just use the floor. You can’t get on my bed.”
The door slammed as Chicken McNugget was thrown to the carpet. They immediately went at it. Overwhelmed by the excitement of their reunification, the two lovebirds started to get a little loud. The newly acquired housemates listened intently at the door as Chicken McNugget bellowed, “Oh baby, oh… I miss the way you fuck it!” between George’s grunts and groans.
The roommates thought the dialogue couldn’t get any better. Even reality TV couldn’t beat a pair of chatty screamers. Between chuckles and giggles, they then heard a line they would not soon forget.
In mid-orgasm, Gonads exclaimed the following to his girlfriend:
“Oh baby, can you feel my balls slapping up against you?! It feels sooo good!”
The giggles graduated to hysterics, and laughter from the audience engulfed the two-bedroom apartment. On that night, Chicken McNugget learned something every girl turning the age of 18 should know: The two seemingly lifeless sacks of flesh are more than just the family jewels, they are the key to male submission. No man is apathetic to a girl who knows how to play ball and can make a few baskets.
A bit of ball sac biology: Just south of the penis is the scrotum, which is essentially the silk purse that holds two huevos full of nerves, creating a uniquely male erogenous zone. If you’re looking to be a real dominatrix, the area at the base of the penis, between the scrotum and the anus, is especially sensitive to touch.
There is no male I know of that doesn’t like a good ball-licking. And if you’re willing to lick, one might as well suck – get Tom and Jerry in your mouth and gently lollipop them like you would his northern neighbor. This is the standard two-pointer tea-bagging.
As stretching the scrotum provides particular pleasure, some men enjoy a good tug or two. Twisting, tugging and slight squeezing around the base of his marbles can be heaven to the nut factory. With just the right amount of pressure coupled with pleasure, this move will give you a three-point conversion. Just remember to start slow and gradually ratchet up the intensity of your gonad game.
If you really want to light up the scoreboards, try some specialized ball-stretching. There are zillions of devices out on the market for your man’s spheroids, from weights to parachutes, leather straps to chrome clips. Granted this sort of activity borders on what is called “BT,” or “ball torture,” but when used delicately, as any device named the sac clamp should be, it can become fun for some courageous couples. And if you’re actually willing to clothespin your cajones, consider yourself the slam-dunk king of bullock bondage.
A man’s balls are uncharted territories no matter how often or how creatively you fondle them. Testicles can never get too much attention and it’s a shame when they are forgotten about in the heat of the moment. If more folks understood how much power one can gain from frequent fondling, the world would have many more obedient and obliged males between the sheets.
Daily Nexus sex columnist Beth Van Dyke goes nuts over balls. Sometimes she wishes she had a pair of her very own.