A well-deserved turkey to all the professors who canceled class on Wednesday. Students deserve a break and a chance to beat the holiday traffic.

Rotten, overworked turkey carcasses to all the professors who’ve scheduled papers during finals week and finals during dead week.

A slimy, yellow turkey carcass to the morons defacing our beautiful campus with chalk. You cowardly kindergarten rejects give the first amendment a bad name.

An expensive turkey to UCSB for buying FT. Maybe the living conditions there will improve now. Maybe.

A stale turkey to A.S. Program Board for taking so long to remove the “Beat the Geeks” sign. Yes, we now understand that you sponsored the event.

Triumphant turkey to UCSB’s men’s soccer team for winning its first playoff game. Even if you don’t make it any further, you’re still winners here.

A sleazy turkey carcass to Fairview Shopping Center for not allowing Fairview Wine and Spirits to renew its lease. Now students will have to mail in their electric bills like everyone else.

Noisy, garish turkey to drunken family gatherings. Who knew Grandpa had that dirty joke in him?

Dry, arid turkey carcasses to UCSB for leaving the reflecting pool dry. The once serene concrete lake is now the world’s largest ashtray.

A sedated turkey to tryptophan… zzz.

An obnoxious, oversize turkey carcass to the proliferation of luxury SUVs in Isla Vista. At least your mommy and daddy still love you.

Finally, a big, fat turkey to puppies just because.